The hardest part about being willing to open up your heart and trust someone when you have been hurt so badly by someone else is realizing that you may get hurt again. That feelings hurt, that loving someone isn't always easy, and that God is your greatest ally in this war of guarding yet opening your heart.
Friday, March 6, 2015
Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalms 139:23-24 NKJV)
I have been meditating on this verse this morning and am thinking about how serious these verses are. If I ask God to search me he will and he will point out everything that he needs to change in my life. I have been crying this out to the Lord today asking him to show me what needs changed. Where have I become stagnate? Show me, change me, and lead me to were I need to be my blessed Savior!
Friday, February 13, 2015
Sometimes, I really struggle with loneliness, especially this time of year with Valentine's Day being tomorrow. It has been in one of those kind of weeks. Lots of prayer and quiet wondering on my part. It is nice to know that even though I feel lonely at times. I am never truly alone. My God sticks closer to me than a brother and I always have Him to comfort me. I want to encourage you. If you are feeling lonely this Valentine's day season turn to pursuing a deeper more intimate walk with the Savior. Wear out the carpet with your knees, pace a hole in the floor and wear out the binding in your bible. Get real with God. It is never a waste to spend time in the word or in prayer. #pondering #prayer #Christian #walk #God #heart #singleness
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Here is a protein shake I make as a recovery drink when I am done working out. It's it's quite tasty and doesn't have any soy or whey protein.
2 Tbsp. Of Peanut Butter
1 cup of Almond Milk
1 tsp of Cocoa
2 ripe frozen Bananas
2 tsp. of Honey
Blend it up all of the above ingredients after letting the bananas get slightly soft.
Then add a half cup of Ice and then slowly add another half a cup of ice if it's not thick enough for you.
There you go. A super healthy recovery drink.
The peanut butter and almond milk give you the protein. The cocoa raises your Seratonin levels. The honey gives you a great energy burst and doesn't cause your sugar levels to spike and the ice helps rehydrate you.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
I have been going to local Young Adult church services and bible studies in the area on Tuesday nights. I had the oppertunity to go to Calvary Chapel for their night of all worship. It was a wonderful time of music, scripture reading, and prayer. Anyways, we sang this song and I liked it so much I had to share it with you all.
"The scandal of grace is God died in my place!"
Grace what have you done
Murdered for me on that cross
Accused in absence of wrong
My sin washed away in your blood
Too much to make sense of it all
I know that your love breaks my fall
The scandal of grace
You died in my place
So my soul will live
Oh to be like you
Give all I have just to know you
Jesus, there's no one besides you
Forever the hope in my heart
Death where is your sting
Your power is as dead as my sin
The cross has taught me to live and mercy my heart now to sing
The day and it's trouble shall come
I know that your strength is enough
The scandal of grace,
You died in my place
So my soul will live
And it's all because of you Jesus
It's all because of you Jesus
It's all because of your love that my soul will live
Monday, October 27, 2014
Singleness... Man, I used to hate that word so much! It personified everything that I didn't want. To have that someone special to love, touch, hold, and laugh with was something I wanted very much.
To be honest though, the hate for the word single, was fueled by a bigger motivator, fear. The fear that this word would describe me for the rest of my life. Now, I know, that that statement is a little melodramatic, but it was a struggle for me. Bear with me because this is not, and will never be an easy subject for me to write on.
So, here we go. I shall title this, There and Back Again, since I am and will always be a Tolkien fan.
I am going to walk through this as candidly as possible. A little over a year ago I met a beautiful godly girl and was smitten. It was a match made in heaven or so I thought. To meet someone that believed the same things that I held important was awesome. So, we entered into a relationship and it was great, but in the end it was not meant to be and ended. To have someone that you have opened up to completely, to have shared all that you shared, and then have it end when you thought it should go on, hurts deeply. I was wounded, heartbroken, and scarred.
Neither of us ended the relationship well. I was not happy and I did not respond well spiritually. I was angry at her for ending it, I was angry at God for allowing it to happen and I was angry at myself for being angry. I wrestled with God for months. I would go to bed at night fighting all of these emotions, asking God why.
Life goes on though and months go by and the hurt goes away bit by bit. Then I started to smile on the past and the memories were no longer painful to think about anymore. There are conversations and times of prayer we had together that I relish to this day. Am I okay 100%? Nope, scars are scars, they don't go away, but by Gods grace I can over come them.
The biggest thing that God is still helping me through this year is trust. I have the hardest time opening up and trusting someone because of this experience. This effects me greatly, as I honestly step way back and keep my space from people, more specifically girls. I do not trust girls, and the thought of being close to one and sharing a relationship with each other terrifies me. Even just with my friends, there are times I am close to someone and then I will back away because I fear that the trust I am giving them will be broken by them. It forms this oscillating pattern of friendship and I am sure it frustrates people, as it frustrates me.
Fast forward to now. God has taught me much through the heartbreak and I can only hope that I am a better man for it. The whole singleness thing doesn't bother me as much anymore. As a matter of fact I embrace it. It is the place that God has me right now. Do I still wish for a relationship? Oh yes, but not in my time. Never again will I jump head first into a relationship. If it supposed to happen then it will happen on God's time and not mine.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
I have been sitting here just thinking for the past hour or so. Scary right? Originally, I sat down to work through some lyrics for a song that has been floating through my head today, but I am having major musicians block. So, I have just been sitting still! Pondering on things that have me concerned.
To start, I have been noticing that Christians as a whole struggle with confidence in Grace. Gods unmeritted favor and love for us. I know personally I have been struggling to be real, to be honest, and to live a life that is without the masks. I think that the life I am striving to live is the end result of the working of God's grace in the believers life.
As Christians we are supposed to be iron sharpening iron. Correct? How then can we live with the masks? The masks of perfection that we place on ourselves to keep others from knowing "The Struggle". The true monster hidden inside us if you will. The masks we create are quite frankly wrong and unbiblical! In my personal life it showed that I didn't have a true understanding of Grace in my life because if I truly understood God's grace in my life. Then I would have realized that no matter what I do, nothing can take away God's love for me! That is where our confidence can be found.
The masks just show our insecurities.
If we are secure in what Christ did for us on the cross then we should be fostering that genuineness. I will be the first one to say that I am not perfect. That being honest scares me. I just want to be accepted and being open and honest about my struggles might change peoples opinions of me. That they may no longer accept me, because I am not perfect. That is a real fear in my life. So, when someone asks me how I am doing? I am faced with the choice. Do I answer with fine or do I answer with I am really glad you asked because I am really struggling in these areas. Can you please be praying for me. Now when I am talking about confidence in God's unchanging grace. I do not mean pride. I am not proud of the things I struggle with, I am humbled by God's forgiveness and love! Is it possible to be humble and confident at the same time? Absolutely!
So, Are you living in and confident in the fullness of God's work of grace?