Honest Moment

My mom was reading this the other day and I just had a chance to read it. Needless to say it broke my heart.

"My mom had only one eye. I hated her......She was such an embarrassment. She cooked for students and teachers to support the family.

There was one time during my primary school when my mom came to say hello to me. I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me? I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school, one of my schoolmates said "'EEEE, you're mom has only one eye!"

I wanted to bury myself. I also wanted my mom to just disappear. I confronted her that day and said " If you will only make me a laughing stock, why don't you just die? My mom did not respond......I didn't even stop to think about the words i hurled at her because I was full of anger. I was oblivious to her feelings.

I wanted to be out of that house and have nothing to do with her. So I studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to study. Then I got married. I bought a house of my own. I had kids. I was happy with my life and the comforts. Then one day, my mother came to visit me.. She hadn't seen me in years and haven't even meet her grandchildren.

When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her and I yelled at her for coming over to the house uninvited. I screamed at her, " How dare you come to my house and scare my children!" GET OUT OF HERE NOW!!!" And to this, my mother answered calmly " Oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address". And she disappeared out of sight.

One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity. My neighbours said that she died. I did not shed a single tear. They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have."

My Dearest son,

I think of you all the time. I'm sorry that I came to your house and scared your children. I was so glad when I heard that you're coming for the reunion. But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you. I'm sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up.

You see, when you were very little, you got an accident, and lost one eye. As a mother, I couldnt stand watching you having to grow with one eye. So I gave you mine. I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me with that one eye. I wanted you to be successful in life. Till then..I love you my son.

With all my love to you,

Your mother

  And now for that honest moment. I related very heavy to this story. I am ashamed to say as a younger guy that I would make fun of my mom's singing and was not very respectful to her at all. I struggle with guilt about this almost everyday because my mom used to love to sing and would always be walking around the house sing while she worked. Now she will not sing anymore and believes that she has a horrible voice from my negative comments. Mom, I love you and I do hope that you will sing again! Moral off the story please be careful what you say to people you never know how much it will affect them.

Ragamuffin: My Thoughts

“So go out and live real good and I promise you'll get beat up real bad. But, in a little while after you're dead, you'll be rotted away anyway. It's not gonna matter if you have a few scars. It will matter if you didn't live.” 

― Rich Mullins

“Never forget what Jesus did for you. Never take lightly what it cost Him. And never assume that if it cost Him His very life, that it won't also cost you yours.” 

― Rich Mullins

To start this movie was a complete earth shattering experience for me.  It shook me to the very core of who I am. To be honest I have never really liked Rich's music, but after watching this movie and seeing who he was and what he struggle with. It left me with a deep respect for him as a person.

 Honestly, I have been struggling with so much in my life lately. The biggest thing I have been struggling with is how can God love me? How? I am such a mess and I mess up everyday of my life. Now yes, I knew that He loves me. I truly knew that, but I didn't feel it. While watching this movie it was like a light bulb went off in my head. Seeing Rich struggle with feeling like God actually loved him and realizing. Nothing I can do will ever remove Gods love for me. He loves me soo much that he came and died for me and for the whole world. Now if that isn't true love then I don't know what true love is. I know God loves me and am fully secure in that.

"A ragamuffin knows he is only a beggar at the door of God's mercy!" Brennan Manning

"I am now utterly convinced that on Judgement day the Lord Jesus will ask one question and only one question. Did you believe that I loved you?" Brennan Manning

“Christianity is not about building an absolutely secure little niche in the world where you can live with your perfect little wife and your perfect little children in your beautiful little house where you have no gays or minority groups anywhere near you. Christianity is about learning to love like Jesus loved and Jesus loved the poor and Jesus loved the broken.” 

― Rich Mullins

“So go out and live real good and I promise you'll get beat up real bad. But, in a little while after you're dead, you'll be rotted away anyway. It's not gonna matter if you have a few scars. It will matter if you didn't live.”
― Rich Mullins


“Never forget what Jesus did for you. Never take lightly what it cost Him. And never assume that if it cost Him His very life, that it won't also cost you yours.”
― Rich Mullins

I am a Ragamuffin